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Well Words Wednesday | August 2024

08 06 2024

Well Words Wednesday | August 2024

Liminal Spaces

Well Words from your Wellness Coordinator, Greta Parkinson, MA, LPC

Life is filled with transitions and unexpected twists and turns. Some of life’s transitions are planned while others are thrust upon us without warning. In either case, we are changed. These times of change can be unsettling as we face the unknown and unfamiliar, or they can be filled with excited expectancy. Both types involve transformation.

There is a concept that I came across when doing some research for a group I was leading during the pandemic. I was not familiar with it but have since found it meaningful when helping others who are in a transitional phase of their life. It is the concept of “liminal space”.

The word liminal comes from the Latin word limens which means "limit or threshold." Author and theologian Richard Rohr defines the liminal space that is experienced when we go through a significant transition this way, "It is when you have left, or are about to leave, the tried and true, but have not yet been able to replace it with anything else. It is when you are between your old comfort zone and any possible new answer. If you are not trained in how to hold anxiety, how to live with ambiguity, how to entrust and wait, you will run...anything to flee this terrible cloud of unknowing."

There are several types of liminal spaces, but I will start with one that provides a visual (for those who learn best with visual representations). This liminal space is a physical one. A physical liminal space could be a doorway, an arch, a passageway, or a bridge. You don’t stay in that space for a long time. It is the passageway from one place to another or the in between space between two rooms. A bridge is the liminal space between two pieces of land. If the liminal space is familiar, you probably don’t give it any thought. It may have little or no meaning as you cross these thresholds. If, however you are exploring a new place like a trail through the woods with a fork on the path, a dungeon in a castle, an abandoned house, or unknown tunnel, you might feel a sense of anxiety or curious anticipation about what is “on the other side” or “what is next’.

We have times in our lives, right now might be one of them, where we find ourselves in an emotional and/or spiritual liminal space. One foot is resting in the familiar space of our heart, mind, and soul, satisfied to be doing things the way we always have done them. The other foot is beckoning us to move forward. We know these old habits, ways of thinking, and doing things may not be serving us well at this time in our life, but we are unsure about what is next. We would prefer to stay in our comfort zone, even if a change suggests notable benefits. You might see this space as the space between what was and what is next. That doorway or that “in between” space can make us feel anxious, unsettled, and unsure. We have stood in these emotional liminal spaces before: as we moved from childhood into adolescence, as we graduated, perhaps got married or had a baby, took a new job, became an empty nester, received a frightening diagnosis, retired, or lost a parent or a loved one. No doubt you have memories of being in these liminal spaces and the feelings they evoked. We want to avoid getting stuck in the liminal space where our sadness or anxiety or fear can grow. What can do when we find ourselves in a liminal space? I will suggest three things:

The first thing we do, the first we always do, is reach out to God. We pray, we meditate, we talk out loud to God. We have a conversation with Him as if He were sitting right beside us having a cup of tea. We read His word, and we sit in silence. We listen, we share all our feelings with Him, and we give thanks. We always give thanks.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 In everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Secondly, to keep from being stuck in the liminal space, we must get comfortable with being uncomfortable. We don’t need to dismiss or run from the feeling. We just need to sit with it for a time. Doing that honors the feeling of being uncomfortable, and we train ourselves to be able to sit with uncomfortable feelings. This is beneficial for our mental and emotional health. Uncertainty and feelings of being ill at ease are normal feelings when faced with a change, planned or unplanned. We don’t need to linger a long time in that space, but we also don’t want to rush ourselves through it. We are unsure of what our new normal will look like. We need time and space to think and reflect.

The third action we can take when finding ourselves in a liminal space is to reach out to others. In addition to connecting with God, we could reach out to family members, friends, fellow parishioners, clergy, or a therapist. Having the support of others as we share our feelings about this in between time helps us to process the many feelings we are having, and it helps to validate them. The Rev. Dr. Scott Stoner, creator of the Living Compass Faith and Wellness Ministry likes to say that when you replace the “i” in the word illness with “we” you get wellness. We receive strength, compassion, and understanding when we choose to be vulnerable and share our feelings with others.

Even though liminal spaces may produce feelings of anxiety, sadness, or fear, they can also be powerful and exciting times of growth for us. They can be viewed as transitional and/or transformative. We are on the periphery of something new. Transitions allow us to embrace a new direction in our life, even if it was not something we deliberately chose.

There are times we are called upon to support someone else who is in that space of in between. If someone you love is going through a significant transition right now keep in mind the following quote from Nancy Lavin: "Honor the space between no longer and not yet." You can do this by offering them unconditional love, being compassionate, and being a good listener. Those things offer calm and stability during the emotional instability that is a hallmark of liminal space. Sometimes just sitting with someone in that space in silence is all that is needed.

In closing, let me offer a prayer from St. Therese of Lisieux:

May today there be peace within.
May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others.
May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content with yourself just the way you are.

Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

~ St. Therese of Lisieux

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Greta Parkinson, MA-LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor with over 20 years experience working with children, adolescents, adults, families, and couples. She has worked in the public sector as a counselor, policy maker, and director of child, adolescent, and family services, as well as in private practice offering services to children and adults. In her therapy practice she helped clients with a broad range of issues including anxiety, depression, mood issues, ADHD, parenting issues, career related transitions, relational issues, and other adjustments to life transitions. A parishioner for many years, Parkinson joined the staff of Christ Church Episcopal in 2024.